Before I reveal the bombshell, I want to say another thank you to everyone who has viewed my blog, all SEVEN AND A HALF THOUSAND PEOPLE!! I must warn you, I have had half a bottle of red wine before writing this one (thanks for that suggestion Jen) …
PART TWO - The Bombshell
Apart from me becoming even more in love and obsessed with Kal, I had started a new job. I loved it! It was something I was good at and I felt like it gave Kal and I some space. I started off working Monday to Friday, 10am until 7pm. Those hours quickly expanded as I progressed within the company. I would regularly enjoy doing overtime on mornings, evenings and weekends.
I was still very much obsessed with Kallum, but I now had something else to focus on too. I put everything I had into this job. I could see a ladder and I wanted to climb it - right to the top!
Kal and I started arguing again, A LOT. He would start his day at 6am and be finished by 2pm most days, whereas I wouldn't return home until after 8pm. So I guess he got bored of waiting for me. I was tired all the time. All I wanted to do was work, eat, go home to Kal, and sleep. Understandably, he wanted more from me.
This was my first job with 'normal' hours and I found it very hard to adjust and create a balanced life. I just wanted Kal to love me like we were in a long term relationship, but deep down I knew I wasn't satisfying him like I should. We were a young couple that had been together not even one year, but we weren’t in the honeymoon period like we should have been.
Like a lot of girls do, I confided in my Mum. I needed someone to know how I was feeling. I needed someone to know that on some days, I was so tired that I felt like I could die. Kal and I weren't in a good place at all. Some days, I would just burst out crying at work over it. I couldn't even concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing because I was hurting like hell. Luckily, I was good at my job, so when Kal and I were good, I was giving my work 100%!!
But I couldn't even call him my 'boyfriend' at this point because we were at each other’s throats all the time. We were either arguing, or just sleeping together but not addressing the underlying issues. I put up with that, because I just wanted him by my side.
For a few months I was miserable, I didn't want to speak to anyone or see anyone. I had heard rumours that Kal was seeing other girls again. But I became numb to these rumours, I felt like I couldn't hurt any more than I already did. Our relationship became very casual, but my
feelings were definitely not. I was too tired to put up a fight, so I just ‘put up and shut up’, hoping for a miracle.
I booked into the doctors after a while of feeling like shit. I was drained every single day. After talking to my Mum about how I was feeling, she put it down to the stress of starting my new job,
particularly with the long hours and overtime. I’d even done a pregnancy test to be sure it wasn’t that, as that's what my symptoms were indicating, but it was negative.
All my best friends were still living at home, doing what normal teenagers do; partying, going to university and having fun. I still remained best friends with them, but we were all so distracted with everyday life and sadly, we didn't keep in touch as much as we should have done. I was to blame as much as them, I had distanced myself away, living the city life. I was working hard all the time and was up and down like a yoyo with Kal. But I always knew that my friends and family were only a phone call away should I need them.
Me and my friend Jen had become really close at this point. She lived just up the road. She was the only friend that I would religiously see and speak to. She was the only one that knew how I'd been feeling. I would walk up the hill to hers in floods of tears every time Kal and I had an argument. Jen would do what all best friends should do - call him a dickhead, tell me I'm worth more, and pour me a glass of wine!
Before my doctor’s appointment came around, Jen and I had arranged a night out. I was at my house getting ready when I came across the other pregnancy test from the double pack under my bed. I don't even know what made me do it! I hadn't even slept with Kal in weeks and my
symptoms had gone. But I did it anyway. I’ll be honest, I hadn't been completely strict with the pill. There’s no point sugar-coating this. I was young and didn’t see the potential consequences. I would take it when I remembered and even set alarms on my phone to remind me. But as a lot of girls will know, sometimes you miss a day, sometimes you forget in the morning and take it at night, sometimes you would take two in one day etc. It’s never easy when you’re young and busy!
So there it was … two red lines. Not one, TWO. I called Jen quick. I was caked in makeup, had my dress and high heels on, ready to go out and get drunk. But I froze. There were two red lines, not one. What the hell? Jen already knew, she knew before I knew, she knew before my Mum knew, she knew before my body knew, and most importantly ... she knew before Kal knew. She was a mother herself and had known all along.
The only thing I could really think of at this point was what the hell Kallum was going to say. Was I ready to be a mother? Actually, was I ready to potentially be a single mother? No! No I was not!! I had to be true to myself and what I deserved. I had to assess my options wisely.
(End of Part 2)