I am sorry. I feel like right now I have a hundred things to say sorry for. I am sorry that your big brother gets the limelight, and you haven’t really had a look in yet. I am sorry that instead of being thankful for the kicks inside my tummy, I am wishing that you’d go back to sleep, because i’ve been up four times in the night with your brother already. I am sorry that you haven't yet got a name, and although some ideas have been thrown around, me and your Dad haven't had the time to sit and talk about it, as your brothers (usually challenging behaviour) is the topic of our conversation. I am sorry that I have 67856 pictures of my bump with your brother on my phone, and i have five with you. I am sorry that i’m almost halfway through, and yet I have three baby grows to your name, two of which were purchased the day we found out you were inside my tummy. I am sorry that the baby apps I downloaded to track your progress, still remain unopened. I am sorry that midwife and hospital appointments seem like an inconvenience, and not an opportunity to talk about you.
I didn’t expect pregnancy number two to go this way, I thought it would be just like the first time, how wrong could I be?! I am just sorry for not being able to sit, relax and enjoy your milestones. Instead, I feel as though I've blinked my eyes and almost 20 weeks have gone by. I can promise you, that even though you're not here yet, I love you with every inch of me, I love you more than you could ever dream of. I am totally not prepared for your arrival right now, and this year I have your big brother starting school, your Dad (hopefully) will be going to Australia to play in the World Cup, our first wedding anniversary (that will no doubt have to be postponed another year, quite like the honeymoon) and the arrival of you, my favorite part. I promise that in 20 weeks time, I will be prepared for you, and I will have more time to be excited about you. I am changing things in our life, all to better your journey. I want you to have the best of me, the best of your Dad, and the best of your big brother- he is so excited to meet you!
You will however get the best parenting out of me, I have done this before for almost four years now, and I am getting quite good at it. I am far more aware than when your brother came into the world. You have a proper nursery space inside a house we own, it might currently be bare, but it's all yours. You have the skills I've acquired over the past four years as a parent, you will get the best tried and tested version of me. Last but not least, you will be welcomed with open arms, into a crazy family that love and care so much for you already. You will always be supported and encouraged to follow your dreams, because the world is all yours. Although you won't receive a filled in record book on your eighteenth birthday, or a framed picture of your 12 week scan, the paper stuff won't even compare to the love you receive, and the memories we make. It might not seem like it at times, certainly not right now, but you and your brother come first over everything, Always. Xx