Married life was great, it did make me feel old though! I often stopped in my tracks to kind of whisper to myself- shit, I'm married. I thought having a baby would make me feel way old before my time, but it turns out that ‘wife life’ did just that. After having Andre, me and Kal were super careful when it came to safe sex. We hadn’t been ready for more children, it was something that we never even discussed. We did things the extremely awkward, and opposite way around, so it took us a while to get back on our feet after having our first child.
My hen party was in Ibiza on May bank holiday weekend 2016. When I returned back, we only had a few weeks until the wedding, so the safe sex thing stopped. In truth, we never even really had a conversation about it, I think I was severely hungover, and never wanted to feel that way again. (Sorry Valentino, Mummy did want you.) With Andre’s pregnancy happening the way that it did, I honestly was naive to the fact that I thought we would have un protected sex once, and it would do the job. When a few weeks passed and I got my period, I was gutted, and so was Kal, that’s how we knew that after spending three years as the three musketeers', we were ready to add a fourth member to our gang.
A few months went by of trying, and NOT falling pregnant. I would do negative test, after negative test, convincing myself that if I didn’t look at it for half an hour, another line may appear. Or talking myself into buying more and testing again the next day. I am aware now of so many women that I was once ignorant to. Not on purpose of course, but because Andre had happened just like that, I had never entered the ‘trying to conceive’ world. The constant checking of my Ovia app, marking it with love hearts, obsessing over the green ovulation dots. I know that I am extremely lucky to be able to conceive and carry a healthy child, once upon a time I didn’t quite understand how lucky I was to be able to do that. I have very close friends around me that have gone through surrogacy, IVF, and so many other methods, to make their dreams come true. I now see these women in a ‘Superwoman’ kind of light, only trying to imagine some of the pain, frustration and heartbreak they have been through, because the five or six months it took us to conceive Valentino, honestly felt like a lifetime.
The two faint lines that appeared on the test still filled me with shock. How strange that your trying to make something happen, and when it does your still so shocked and surprised. I expected this test to say negative too, like the collection of all the other negative tests I had stuffed in the medicine cupboard. I did the test in my Mum’s bathroom whilst Kallum was at work, I couldn’t wait as I most certainly didn’t feel pregnant, and I wanted to get the disappointment over with. In fact, I was hungover because I had been away at a wedding that I wasn’t going to attend, as I was sure I would have been pregnant before then. I decided to go at the last minute, as I knew that I couldn't keep on putting social events off, just in the hope of falling pregnant, to be left disappointed upon getting another negative test.
My Grandma was outside the bathroom unaware of the news. It sounds funny and I don’t know why I even did this, but I was just staring at myself in the mirror. Like holy shit, its actually happened. Looking down at the test over and over, making sure I could see a second line. I walked out and told her the news, in which she replied “well I don’t know why, because you can’t look after the one that you’ve got”. I pissed myself laughing. My Grandma is the apple of my eye, she’s so old school in her ways, she says exactly what she thinks, and still lives in the olden days. Her versions of me not being able to look after Andre is me making him eat Weetabix for breakfast, and not 17 Bourbon biscuits and a fruit shoot. Me making him go to bed at 7pm every night, and not letting him stay up to watch TV and decide his own bedtime at 5 years old. My Grandma adores Andre, if he hit someone in front of her face, she'd say he didn’t do it. If I tell her he hasn’t been well behaved, she will ask what I've done to him. You can see the pattern here, golden balls, just like my brother.
I rang Kal to tell him and he was on the team coach, I said I'm going to tell you something now babe, but blend it please because it’s a secret. His reaction, “OH MY GOD, HONESTLY, NO WAY, THAT’S AMAZING.” It most certainly wasn’t blended, so with the delivering of the new baby news to my Husband, it passed through the Leeds Rhinos team too- standard. All of our family and friends were over the moon, we announced it on social media through our wedding video. It felt amazing to be able to tell the ones we love, feeling so excited that they would all be really happy, something that we didn’t experience when I fell pregnant the first time. Last time it felt like ‘I’ fell pregnant, and this time ‘WE’ fell pregnant, it’s a completely different feeling.
Off season came around and with that we went on holiday. Newly wed and newly pregnant, I did not expect to return home after a week away feeling like my world had been turned upside down.
End of part 14.